TONY
by Theoretical
Summary: Tony writes a story to get in touch with his inner child. A pseudo parady to ELOISE. It's an O.K. story. But, BEWARE minimal punctuation because of the ELOISE books. Why is there no 'Oddness' under Genre?


Disclaimer: I not own anything except a sword that I can't really lift to well, but that's okay because it's still very threatening.

* * *

I am Tony  
I am thirty-ish

I am a City Man  
I work at NCIS

There's an entry hallway that's very small  
With a gray floor and sometimes there's ladies in it  
The door doesn't revolve

I spend an awful lot of time downstairs  
For instance, everyday I have to go down to the first floor  
And see what's happening down there

Then I stop by the secretaries desk to see if there are any ladies

Then I go to the phones  
And make several calls to see if anyone wants  
To go out tonight

They all know who I am

If there are a lot of people trying to get in and out of the elevator  
From out of town or something, I go in an lose my Skate Key  
Just so I have to edge into the middle of it and maybe  
Catch a glimpse up a skirt

I am a nuisance downstairs  
Gibbs told me so  
He is my boss  
I always say "Morning, Boss"  
And he always says "What, Tony?"

My co worker knows the president

I work in the bull pen  
Of course I am apt to be anywhere at anytime  
And if I want to go anywhere I simply take the van  
For instance, if I happen to be in the bull pen I just  
Grab the keys and head to the elevator  
Ride to the second floor, then scurry up to the stairs to the third floor  
Where I get in and say 'Fourth floor please'  
Then I get out scurry over to the other elevator ride it and out get  
In my car drive around the block a few times  
Get my coffee then scurry back into the building  
Ride to the first floor switch elevators  
Ride to the second floor run to the fourth and  
Go back to the third floor then to the bull pen

I work down the stairs, right past Kate  
Sometimes I make a joke when I pass by  
And then I run off to Abby's lab for a bit  
Which is down this hallway that it very good  
For scuffing your feet on  
Sometimes I make a terrible racket

She has sliding doors  
I always lean on them  
That's how Abby knows it's me  
TONY

Abby is the lab rat  
She wears very short skirts  
And you can see her legs  
Sometimes Ducky is there  
He's English and has 8,000,000  
Stories to tell on any given day

Ducky says he would rawther I didn't  
Eat, eat, eat all the time  
Sometimes he says things three times  
Like, Tony that scalpel is not a toy  
It's not a toy! It's not a Toy!  
He is my physician

I have my own desk  
It is near Kate, McGee and Gibbs' desks

Kate has a dog that looks like a cat  
His name is Tony  
Sometimes she lets him eat out of my hat  
Then I have to get it back some how

McGee has a girlfriend

Her name is 'Imaginary'  
She's made-up

NCIS is the only place where people  
Like us are allowed to work

I always know it's morning because Gibbs calls me and  
Tells me to get my ass over to work

The absolutely first thing I have to do  
Is brush my hair  
Otherwise is gets all gross and frizzy  
If I have a girl she wakes up and  
Puts on my kimono and closes my window  
So that she doesn't freeze  
If I'm lucky she'll stretch naked  
And will feel great afterwards  
A lot of them yawn out loud  
Then I make breakfast or  
I go pick it up

Ooooooooo I absolutely hate tofu

Once Abby and I went out for dinner  
And she ordered tofu surprise  
I always order lasagna when I go out on dates  
Women like itlaian men

Then I go work and look at the ceiling  
For a while and think of a  
Way to get a present  
I usually yawn out loud several times

Here's what I like to do  
Make things up

Here's what I can do  
Catch bad guys

Chew gum

Write

Type

Annoy Kate

Stand on my head for the longest amount of time

Make faces

And here's the thing of it  
Most of the time I'm trying to catch bad guys

My day is rather full

I have to go to a crime scene  
And look in the mirror for a while

Then I have to go under cover  
If there is a door open I have to  
Walk in an pretend I belong  
And sometimes I sort of limp to get  
Attention from the opposite sex  
Sometimes they give me their numbers

Then I have to roam the halls and  
Spy on the directors  
All they do is walk and talk  
I have never been arrested

Sometimes I go to Abby's lab so I can get some sleep  
Then I have to hop around for a while

I always talk to Ducky for a bit

Here's there he's been  
Madrid

Here's where I've been  
Boiler Room

Then I scamper to the directors floor where all  
These people are prancing around

I am all over  
Half the time I'd been lost if it weren't for GPS  
But mostly, I am in Virginia  
That's where I work  
Sometimes there's an officers ball  
All together, I have been to 56 affairs including a birthday party  
Gibbs didn't like that

Getting bored is not allowed  
Sometimes I annoy probie

Sometimes I annoy Kate

Sometimes I wear a rubber band

On the end of my nose

Here's what I like to do  
Pretend

Sometimes Gibbs is kind

Sometimes women are naked

Sometimes I get terribly sick and have to give a urine sample

Every night when it's time to go to bed I yawn out loud  
Then I have to brush my hair and get into my pajamas

Oh, there is absolutely so much to do  
Tomorrow I think I'll go to Paraguay

* * *

"So what do you think Abby?" Tony sat down. Earlier Kate had told him to get in touch with his inner child.

"You aren't planning on showing this to her are you?" she asked pointing at the papers.

"I'll rewrite it."

"Good idea."

* * *

The End. 


End file.
